Emergence
by selflessandbrave
Summary: "I think fear is the most cancerous and incapacitating emotion there is. It eats away at the good inside of us, cripples us from our dreams. But then you find the clarity of hope. I choose hope over fear." / The war is over, and Tris and Tobias try desperately to find happiness in a world where new fears and challenges threaten them. Can they create a life, or will they break?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: The beginning of this chapter is an excerpt towards the end of Allegiant. I rewrote a part of it to alter the ending and keep Tris alive. Enjoy!**

The ride back to the compound is slow and dark. I watch the moon disappear and reappear behind the clouds as we bump over the ground. When we reach the outer limits of the city, it begins to snow again, large, light flakes that swirl in front of the headlights. I wonder if Tris is watching it sweep across the pavement and gather in piles by the airplanes. I wonder if she is living in a better world than the one I left, among people who no longer remember what it is to have pure genes…

…I have always hated the emptiness that winter brings, the blank landscape and the stark difference between sky and ground, the way it transforms trees into skeletons and the city into a wasteland. Maybe this winter I can be persuaded otherwise.

We drive past the fences and stop by the front doors, which are no longer manned by guards. We get out, and Zeke seizes his mother's hand to steady her as she shuffles through the snow. As we walk into the compound, I know for a fact that Caleb succeeded, because there is no one in sight. That can only mean that they have been reset, their memories forever altered.

"Where is everyone?" Amar says.

We walk through the abandoned security checkpoint without stopping. On the other side, I see Cara. The side of her face is badly bruised, and there's a bandage on her head, but that's not what concerns me. What concerns me is the troubled look on her face.

"Where's Tris?" I ask. My voice shakes.

"Tobias…" I hear Tris's still, small voice, laced with an edge of uncertainty and concern. Confusion.

I see her then, walking through a gap in the wall, the size of a truck. One of the effects of the explosion that killed Uriah. My stomach twists.

Tris steps in from the flurry of snow outside. Her eyes are wide with joy, and something else; worry. And they're dancing with a fire that encompasses her pride over our success. An odd combination, but then, so is she.

"Tris," I say. There's nothing else to say. All of the emotion, the anxiety since I last saw her, the disbelief that we could actually accomplish this, disband the people who lied to us and used us as a piece in an experiment—all of it is expressed in a single word. Her name.

My feet move faster than my mind, carrying me towards her. I wrap my arms around her and relief washes over me. She is small, and pale, and despite having been in the frigid air just moments ago, she is warm.

I stop to look at her face, her eyes still alive with their fire, her hair sprinkled with snowflakes. And then I kiss her, gently, and she kisses me back with a sense of determination.

We kiss for longer than we should, considering the circumstances and the fact that we're not alone.

And I don't care.


	2. Chapter 2

**(Tris)**

We are sitting on the floor in the lobby of the compound. No one wanted to go to our former room, to walk down these halls that are not empty but might as well be. They might as well be, because the people who now roam them are shells of the people they were just hours ago. Memories gone. Blind, unknowing people. All because of a few buttons that I pushed. Because I released a serum that wiped away their lives. I can't see those faces again, their wide, confused eyes. Empty. The more I think about it, the more I fear that I will become just as empty as them. So I try not to think about it.

I shut my eyes. Tobias's arm has not left me since the moment we kissed.

Someone sighs, and I open my eyes into Christina's.

"Tris. What happened?" She asks quietly.

I look at their faces. We are seated in a circle that no one called to order—an arrangement that created itself. We have yet to speak until now. I clear my throat slightly and stop as my eyes rest on Tobias. He is staring back at me, his gaze intent.

"I love you," he says softly. He nods his head in encouragement. I almost smile and I squeeze his hand.

"Before Caleb and I got to the Weapons Lab, there were guards," I begin shakily. "Matthew distracted them. But a few of them chased us anyway and I… I made Caleb stop. I acted like he was my hostage. And I shot the guards. I forced him to let me go through the death serum." I swallow, and I force myself to look at Tobias. I regret it.

His eyes are afire with alarm, anger, fear, shock. Too many emotions. I have to look away before I can speak again. I look at my hands instead.

"I couldn't let him die. _I couldn't. _He's my brother, and even though he did awful things and betrayed me, I couldn't let him die. I just couldn't. Okay?" Quiet, and steadier than I was expecting.

It feels like a very long time before Tobias starts to speak.

"Tris," he lets out a deep breath. "You could have been killed."

I open my mouth, but he holds up a finger to silence me before continuing.

"You could have been _killed. _That would have been like killing me. You are one of the only good things I've ever had, and you could have been lost to the world forever. Hell, you could have been lost to _me _forever. I would never be able to move on from that. You could have been killed, and he wasn't worth that. He wasn't worth you risking your life," His jaw is set in a hard line. "You are though. You are brave, and kind, and honest, and deadly smart. And you are selfless. So I guess I couldn't have expected anything different from you."

His eyes are watery and red, replicas of mine.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, my hands shaking, my voice shaking, my control shaking.

He pulls me to his chest.

"It's okay. It's okay. I love you." He tells me. The same words I used to break him out of the mind control serum.

I blink slowly and let my eyes stay shut. My tears spill onto his shirt.

"But Tris…" Christina speaks, confused. I look at her. "How did you survive the death serum?"

I'm about to answer, but then Cara's voice sounds, filled with anxiety and fear.

"And… where's Caleb?"


	3. Chapter 3

**(Tris)**

"And… where's Caleb?"

Cara's words hang there for a moment, suspended in space. I wish I had an answer.

"I don't know," I say so softly that I doubt anyone heard me. I pull my hand from Tobias's grasp to wipe my tears.

"Tris, what happened after you left him?" Tobias asks, taking my hand again.

I pause for a moment to collect my thoughts.

"When I got to the Weapons Lab, I blew up the vault and the death serum started spraying." I pause again. What happened after that? "It started spraying, and I knew I could survive it. I knew I had to, for you and Caleb, and to honor my parents. They died for me, and I couldn't let that be in vain. And I… I don't know. I just did. I found the memory serum and set it off," I tell them. "I couldn't find Caleb after that."

A few of them nod slowly. The rest just stare at me. It is Tobias that starts to talk about what happened in the city, much to my relief. I don't want to talk about Caleb or serums that I used to erase lives anymore.

A treaty was made with the Allegiant, and Tobias and Evelyn came to an agreement. They are going to try to mend their relationship. There is a pang in my stomach when he says those words.

I'm happy. I am. I love Tobias, and he looks overjoyed with his news. His happiness is contagious. But I can't help but think about this woman who abandoned him, who left him in an abusive home when he was a little boy. The same woman who let him believe that she was dead, because it was easier than letting him know that she didn't care enough to take him with her. The thought makes me sick, and the idea that she thinks she's worth Tobias makes me sick too.

Regardless, nothing will happen between them for 2 years. I'm not sure if I think this is good or bad.

After a while, Zeke and his mother go to be with Uriah. There are doctors with him. Their medical knowledge was not erased.

Maybe I would go with them, to say goodbye, and maybe I would start letting the sobs I've been keeping in rack through my body. But I am too exhausted for either. So I fall asleep instead, Tobias's arms wrapped around me.

Now more than ever, he smells like safety.


	4. Chapter 4

When I wake up, I am still on the cold floor of the compound. Tobias's jacket is under my head.

Everyone else seems to be awake. I see Christina, Matthew, Zeke, Hana, Shauna, Amar, George, and Cara milling around the room. There's a smell wafting through the room—pancakes. I'm suddenly very aware of how hungry I am.

I briefly wonder where Tobias is as a chilly gust of wind blows through the shattered windows. I sit up, wrapping his jacket around my shoulders. My wondering doesn't last long.

"Good morning," Tobias sits next to me and kisses my cheek, throwing a blanket over my legs. I recognize it as the one I slept with in our room just last week. It's soft. He must have gone back to retrieve it.

"Good morning," I reply with a small smile, inspecting him. All things considered, he looks… happy. His eyes are bright, his posture portraying his mood. He gives new meaning to 'rise and shine'.

"Holding up okay?" he brushes a strand of hair out of my face and tucks it behind my ear.

"Yeah, I think so. I'm going to—" my breath catches in my throat and my words are trapped in my mouth when Zeke turns in our direction and I see tears streaking down his face. My hand flies to my mouth.

"Did they do it yet? Oh my God… Oh my God, Tobias, I have to say goodbye. I haven't said goodbye yet!" I throw the blanket to the side, jumping up with a desperate kind of speed. I run towards Uriah's room.

"Tris! Wait! Tris!" Tobias shouts. I know he is running after me, but I can't hear the pounding of his feet over the pounding of my heart.

_Please. Please don't be dead._

My feet carry me to his door, and I burst through it, every muscle tensed.

The machines are beeping. Beeping with his life.

I sink to my knees.

Tobias crashes in an instant later, coming to a sudden stop. And then he slowly slides down next to me, on the floor near Uriah's bedside. He pulls me against him, and I barely feel it.

I'm begging every power in the world that this isn't happening, but I know exactly what this is. The truth has finally settled in. Uriah is gone. And soon, he will be gone for good.

I am confused and emotional and haven't slept much in a week, so it feels like we sit there for a long time. It's no longer than a few minutes.

After that time, Tobias and I are still quiet and unmoving. My mouth is dry, my tears are streaming steadily. The rhythmic beating of the machines that are keeping him alive are never-faltering.

A doctor walks in suddenly, everyone else following behind him. I start shaking. I know what comes next. The tears. The twisting in my stomach. A few people walk to the other side of the bed and whisper things I don't care to pay attention to. And then the room grows quiet. And everyone is asked to leave.

Tobias stands slowly, carrying me up as the strangled sobs finally escape my lips. I grip Uriah's hand and it slips from my grasp as he pulls me away, through the door, down the halls.

Some time after that, it just happens.


	5. Chapter 5

**(Tobias)**

She cries. This isn't just about Uriah. It's everything-everything that's happened in the last few months.

She cries the cry of a person who has kept their tears in for too long.

I don't know how long it goes on. But this is Tris. Her cries subside to silence soon enough. I am continually astounded at her strength.

I pull her close to me and breathe her in. She smells like vanilla and the snow.

"I hope you're not pitying me," she says quietly against my chest.

"Tris, I feel it too. I feel your pain, and I want to take it away. It's not pity. It's the fact that I love you," I reply after a few moments.

Amar's voice sounds throughout the room.

"Attention everyone!" He sounds military and official, just like I remember.

"The United States government has sent representatives with a message-the future of the city," he begins. I listen closely. "The fence will be open from now on. Anyone is free to come and go. There will be no more factions,"

I consider this for a moment. We can stay or we can go.

"Former abnegation volunteers have been working all morning in formerly locked apartment buildings. The United States government is offering apartments to all of you free for 3 months, completely furnished. If you plan to stay in Chicago, we head back in an hour."

Tris looks at me with wide eyes.

"They're already making decisions?"

"Looks like it. What are you thinking?"

"I want to stay," she says without hesitation.

I agree.

"Then let's get ready," I grin.

"Okay," she smiles back, a real smile, full of hope. "And I love you too."

The ride back to the city is uneventful, but we talk and shout the entire time. Someone made a cake before we left, and I grabbed a slice on the way out. I offer it to Tris, and she takes a bite. She makes a face.

"Dauntless cake beats this," she laughs.

"Wow," Tris breathes as a United States representative leads us into a bright, clean room.

The majority of one of the walls is occupied by a huge window. The kitchen has modern, working appliances. A hallway leads to two bedrooms and a bathroom.

"I think this will work for the two of you. If not, we'll keep looking. It's spacious. Room to expand," the woman winks at Tris.

She rolls her eyes and my laughter booms through the room, echoing off the walls. I hug her, and she joins me in laughter.

"This will work," I assure the woman, who smiles.

"Wonderful! I'll leave you to it."

I thank her, and with that, she's gone.

Tris pulls away from me, her eyes roaming through the furnished room.

"So... what comes next?" She asks softly. I follow her to the big window, four stories up. I don't mind the height.

"I guess we just try to move on. There's not much else we can do," I reply just as quietly.

We look at the city, stretching out before us. The sun is going down, and lights are turning on everywhere.

Tris's arms wrap around my waist.


	6. Chapter 6

**(Tris)**

We moved into this apartment three days ago. Our apartment-the words feel strange in my mouth. A strange that I could get used to.

All of our friends joined us in this building. Christina and Matthew, who I recently learned are having a budding romance, moved in across the hall.

It all feels a little too perfect, and it's making me paranoid. Sometimes, when things are good-_really_ good-I feel that they need a disclaimer. Like positivity is only deserved when it's been well balanced with hard times.

"What are you thinking about?" Tobias asks curiously, bringing me back to reality.

I shrug. "The present. The future, really."

He raises an eyebrow.

I continue. "Everything is so good right now. The war is over. We're not in any danger, and I certainly never expected us to have an apartment. Plus, we're sure that we have each other, and that's more than I could say a few days ago... do you think there's heartache around the bend?"

He appears to consider this.

"Tris, the world doesn't dish out good and bad according to what's 'fair'. That's not how it works. We have to create our own happiness, and we can't obsess over whether it will get taken away. We don't have bad coming to us anymore than we have good coming to us."

I'm not convinced.

"It feels like it's all a big game, and someday everyone is going to say 'Well, that makes sense. Things were just too damn good for that divergent girl.'"

He stares at me. "That is a ridiculous way of thinking. Regardless of how good or bad life is, maybe being happy during hard times is only possible if we're actually aware of the good. For me, it's feeling the heat of the sun and memorizing the tone of your laughter. There's always going to be good, regardless of the bad."

I nod slowly.

"You're right," I tell him, because I know what's true.

We sit quietly on the couch for awhile, talking about all of the things we hope for our future, because the good in our life is turned up a few notches and all we have to do is enjoy it.

"I want to see everything that's outside of the fence," I say. "All of it."

Tobias nods like an excited child.

"I want to learn about all of the technology that we didn't have before. We were very unprivileged with technology here," he furrows his brow. "Downsizing that, I want to marry you someday."

My heart leaps, and I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks.

"You're sweet," I say softly, leaning into him and wrapping my arms around his waist. His arm immediately encircles my back, rubbing circles into it.

"And maybe we'll have a little Tris running around," I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Or a little Tobias," I remind him.

"Oh, for sure. The best knife thrower you'll ever meet."

I laugh, the sound pealing through the room like a bell. "And little Tris will be right there with him, shooting targets and jumping off of trains," I say.

"You realize we're just describing ourselves?" he whispers in my ear.

I nod. "Maybe they'll be our opposites," I allow.

"They'll definitely be bad ass, lest you're implying anything different," Tobias warns.

I laugh again.

"I wouldn't dream of it."


	7. Chapter 7

**(Tris)**

"I'm starving," I announce a few hours later.

Tobias glances at me.

"Pasta?" he suggests.

I nod, and move to the kitchen to prep for spaghetti. Tobias joins me a minute later.

"Want to call Christina and Matthew over?" he asks, turning the fire on under a pot of water.

"Yeah!" I say happily. I've been a little annoyingly bubbly since our conversation about the future.

He smiles at me. "Someone's in a good mood."

I nod. "I'm going to go get Christina. Make sure you salt the water before adding the noodles. And turn down the heat just a little... perfect! Thank you!" I don't take a breath, and brush his shoulder as I pass by him.

He grabs my arm, tugging me back. He wraps his hands around my waist, pressing his forehead to mine.

"I'm happy that you're happy," he says softly.

I smile again, and kiss him. "I love you."

"I love you too," he shakes his head, laughing, as I practically skip out of the kitchen like a five year old.

Christina appears to be on cloud nine as well, teeming with joy. I'm glad to see it. She and Matthew come over and help Tobias and I in the kitchen.

We are laughing and dancing around each other to throw an ingredient in here, stir something there, turn the heat down on this.

_I hope my entire life is like this._

Soon, we are seated around the big table. The food is delicious; we make quite the team.

"Okay guys," Christina smiles. "We have some news," she looks like she might explode with excitement.

I smile expectantly.

"Matthew and I are getting married!" she screams. Matthew grins from ear-to-ear.

Tobias and I jump up. I match Christina's screams and Tobias and Matthew slap each other on the back. We all hug.

"I know it's fast, but we just figured... why wait? We already know how unpredictable life is," Christina explains when we're all seated again.

I smile, this time a little sadly. I catch Tobias watching me out of the corner of my eye and take a deep breath.

I speak as joyfully as I can. "I'm so happy for you," I say truthfully. "What's the date?"

"Three weeks from today."

That _is_ fast.

"That's great!... I'll be right back, okay? I'm going to the bathroom."

I walk to the hall, and for some insane reason, I feel like crying. I don't want to get married yet. Of course I don't. But I still feel a weight on my chest, contrasted only by the happiness I feel for Christina and Matthew.

It is then that I see a piece of paper on the floor near the front door-like someone slipped it under the crack. I pick it up at the same time Tobias emerges from the kitchen.

"I was just going to find you... what's wrong?"

My fingers have started to tremble, and I wave the paper. "Look," my voice shakes. Tobias comes over to read it.

_Tobias and Beatrice,_

_"Four and Tris," I regret to inform you that you have crossed a line by erasing the memories of my staff. And because of this, you must be killed-particularly you, Beatrice. Tobias, we may spare your life, but not without punishment. Clearly, I do not beat around the bush. Be at Millennium park at 11:30 tomorrow night, unarmed and unaccompanied. Failure will result in the death of your loved ones, beginning with Caleb Prior._

_Best regards._


	8. Chapter 8

**(Tris)**

"Absolutely not!" Tobias booms. I frown. He's making this very difficult.

"Come on. She'll be completely safe," Matthew offers. This only appears to make Tobias angrier.

"You want me to send the girl I'm in love with to some anonymous note writer who wants to kill her?" he demands. My frown deepens, and I touch his arm. He looks at me.

"I'll be fine. So will you. I'll have hidden cameras, weapons. I'll be fine," I say.

His eyes soften. He touches my cheek. "Tris, I would rather you stay and I go," he says.

I shake my head. "They want me. That's clear. They won't stop until I'm dead… so we have to stop them. They'll kill everyone we love if we don't… I have to go alone."

Now he's shaking his head. "Not alone. I'm going with you."

"You have to hide with Zeke and Christina and everyone else," I counter.

Saying he looks upset would be an understatement. I hug him for a long time.

"We don't have a choice. I'll be okay," I say against his chest.

He takes a deep breath.

"Okay," he finally says against my hair. He holds me tightly.

"Great," Matthew speaks. "So we'll attach a hidden camera to Tris, and she'll have a gun and a knife. The rest of us—me, Christina, Zeke, Cara, Amar, George, and you, Tobias—will be hiding in the trees around Millennium," he strategizes for the 11th time.

And that's exactly what happens.

.

It's 11:28 PM the next night. I'm standing on the grass in Millennium Park. It's cold, but I wipe my hands on my jeans.

By 11:35, I'm still standing there. I glance around. My friends, invisible in the darkness, are hidden among the shadows, close to the ground, watching me. I breathe deeply.

Strangely, I'm not afraid. A little anxious, yes, but certainly not as scared as I should be. In fact, I'm kind of getting bored. I check my watch—11:37—and cross my arms over my chest, looking around again. It's so quiet. I'm starting to wonder if this was a joke.

And then, all in one instant, it's not. I see movement in the shadows, the click of…what is that? A bullet?... sliding into place, the crack of a twig.

Instinctively, I whip out my gun and point towards the direction of the movement and noise.

Nothing. Silence.

And then a click. And then darkness.

**A/N: Not the best chapter—sorry about that. But things are really going to start getting interesting now. Thank you for the reviews and follows, they mean the world!**


	9. Chapter 9

**(Tobias)**

"Four! Calm down!" Christina whispers harshly.

I struggle against all of the hands that are on me. Matthew, Amar, George, and Zeke simultaneously grabbed me the instant Tris was shot.

But it wasn't a bullet.

I'm not sure what it was. All I registered was a needle going into her arm… a serum, I assume, but I can't be sure. She blacked out at the contact.

And now I find myself being restrained as the girl I love lies limply in the grass, a hundred yards before me. Amar's hand is clamped tightly over my mouth, preventing me from shouting out.

A moment later, a dark shape scurries forward, toward Tris.

"Now," Zeke nods at Christina, and she dashes out to the two.

"Hey!" she shouts. Before the word is out of her mouth, the hooded figure stabs a needle into her arm, and she falls—whatever they did to Tris, they just did it to Christina.

And now someone is holding Matthew back, and we're both struggling, and I think I might kill someone if ever escape from this prison of arms.

The shooter hauls Tris across the grass and into a car that speeds up to the curb. I wrench myself free as the vehicle swerves away, disappearing just as quickly as it came.

Stumbling, I collapse in the grass where Tris lay just a moment ago. Matthew rushes over and crouches next to Christina.

I see Tris's gun laying a few feet away.

I let my head fall into the sharp blades of grass.


	10. Chapter 10

**(Tobias)**

Christina is breathing. I know the relief I feel should encompass the preservation of her life, but all I can think is that this means Tris is alive, she's alive, she's alive.

I watch the computer screen. I've been watching it for half an hour, hardly blinking.

When we got back to the apartment, the hidden camera that we attached to Tris's shirt showed us nothing but the ceiling of a dark room. The camera rises and falls steadily. She's breathing.

I'm shaking.

I shouldn't have let her go. I shouldn't have let her walk out into the grass, to a fate we were all damn sure of. I shouldn't have let someone knock her out and drag her across the grass, to keep her in this dark room that I can't tear my eyes from. It's my fault.

Where is she? I remember the maps that I once watched Peter study. The world is huge. She could be anywhere. She could be anywhere, and yet, she can't be. These people had to have taken her somewhere close, or we would be watching the roof of a car bump along a road.

It's 1 in the morning, and I know I won't be able to sleep; I won't be able to take my eyes from this screen. Every time someone suggests that I get some rest, that they'll keep watch, that I need to sleep, they are met with death glares or silence.

Is she facing something in her mind? Is this a fear simulation, or just a sleeping drug? I glance at Christina, lying across my couch, just for a moment. She looks peaceful. I hope she is. I hope Tris is.

Hours are passing by. It's now 6 in the morning. People are sleeping all over my living room, sprawled out, mouths hanging open. Christina is still unconscious.

Matthew and I have been up all night, never taking our eyes from Tris and Christina, exchanging or word or two every now and then.

Even now, as the sun rises over the city, casting pink, purple, pale blue shadows through the huge window across the room, he strokes her hair and I stare at a screen.

This goes on for another 20 minutes before something changes.

The camera starts to move. I sit straight up. Tris's breathing becomes heavier, and then she's still again, but her fingers come into focus, and she gently touches the lens. It goes black for a moment, before she removes her hand. She breathes in relief.

"I'm sorry. I love you," she whispers softly. Tears fill my eyes and cloud my vision. "I'm going to stay still now." And she does.

I shake everyone awake, with Matthew's help.

By the time I've described what happened, Christina suddenly sits straight up.

"Christina…oh my... thank god," Matthew says, and they wrap their arms around each other.

"Welcome back. What was it? A serum?" I waste no time in asking questions.

Matthew scowls at me. I don't care.

She shakes her head. "It just put me to sleep… but I'm a little dizzy," she replies.

"Lay back," Matthew suggests, and she does.

"How's Tris?" She peers at the screen.

"She woke up a few minutes ago," I say.

"Do you know where she is?"

"Not yet."

I return my attention to the computer.

Tris is not breathing steadily anymore. Her breaths are quick, ragged, anxious. She's scared.

She's brave.

I don't stop waiting for something new to happen. It takes another hour.

But something definitely happens.


	11. Chapter 11

(Tris)

Everything is so dark. Peaceful, even. Darkness.

It's all darkness, until it's not.

I blink my eyes open wearily, as if I just swam to the surface and found light there. I was asleep, a strange sleep.

Alarm suddenly jumps into me. Where am I? Where is Tobias? And then I remember—someone wants me dead. I am being held by whoever wants to kill me.

I remember the camera attached to me, and begging for it to still be there, I run my fingers down my shirt. I sigh in relief when I find it.

I know Tobias is listening. I don't know how long it's been, but he's listening. I'm sure of it.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. Sorry for getting myself shot with a needle and kidnapped.

"I love you," that's all. I love you, I love you, I love you.

"I'm going to stay still now."

I need to be smart. I need to figure this out logically, go over the facts, make sense of it before I explode.

_Caleb is close by, being held by the same person. I'm going to save him._

_Tobias can hear me. He sees what I see, give or take a few inches._

_I made someone mad when I erased the memories of the compound staff. _

_They want to kill me._

_They want to hurt Tobias._

My hands start to shake, and I clench them into fists. Now I need to gather the information around me.

I am in a room. It's large, and white, with no windows. I swallow. It reminds me of erudite. But this can't be erudite. Erudite was much smaller than this.

I am lying on the floor. It's made of tile. Cold.

In one corner of the room is a sink, in another, a machine. I stare at it. It's large and cubic and as white as everything else in the room. There are wires dangling loosely from it.

Above me are pale lights. I can't look at them for long-they make my head hurt. Cameras are in each corner, pointed straight at me.

Oh, this is so much like erudite. The painful memories flood my mind, overwhelming me. My breath quickens, my heart thumps loudly. It takes me several minutes to calm down.

After I'm sure that my heartbeat has returned to normal, I look around again, barely lifting my head.

My eyes fall on the machine for the second time. I can't imagine what its function is, but maybe Tobias or one of the others will recognize it. I hope they're watching.

Slowly, I push myself up with my elbows to give the camera a view of the machine.

And then suddenly it comes to life, whirring, clicking, awful high pitched noises.

My heart stops. It must have sensed my movement.

Without really thinking it through, I bolt upright, and I'm on my feet, running towards the exit. Much to my surprise, it opens-it sets off an alarm, but it opens.

I rush into the hallway, and it is as white and blank as the room I just left. I look to the sides wildly. To the left, at the end of the long hallway, is a big window. That's all. To the right-well, to the right are a group of people striding towards me.

There are six or seven of them, all dressed in white. White shirts, white pants, white sneakers. So much white.

The machine is whirring angrily in the room behind me. The alarm blares in my ears.

I run to the left.


	12. Chapter 12

**(Tris)**

I never knew a hallway could be so long. It feels like I've been running forever. I don't look back—I know I'm being pursued.

I reach the window. It's taller than me. I feel all around the sides, looking for a lock, a handle, anything that will open it. Nothing.

I glance back quickly. The white clothed people are coming towards me at a brisk pace. My fingers fumble against the glass for another moment, and then I start pounding on it, hitting it again and again, as hard as I can.

I kick it with the toes of my sneakers. I slam the side of my body against it. I bang on it relentlessly, and nothing happens. This fucking window will take no damage. Of course not. I'm fighting a block of glass and I'm losing.

Still, I pound on it until they grab my feet and arms, and then I swing at them until they shoot a needle into my arm.

.

When I resurface, the first thing I see is a dreadfully familiar face.

David.

My heart sinks, bile rises in my throat, and confusion fills me.

I'm back in the same room I woke up in last time.

_Looking away is submissive._

I stare him straight in the eye until he cracks from the tension and looks away.

"Hello, Tris," he says when he looks back at me.

The sound of my name in his mouth makes my stomach turn.

I say nothing.

"I trust you're doing well?" there is a hint of amusement in his voice, his eyes bright with humor. "Why didn't you bring your boyfriend along?"

There is a bitter taste in my mouth.

"I would have so liked to see Tobias again," he continues in a sick tone.

I hate him.

"You two love birds really are adorable. Any good news to share? A wedding? A baby?" David taps his left ring finger, places a hand on his abdomen.

"Actually, don't tell me. Whatever it is, it will not come to pass. You see, I'm going to kill you," he smiles. A genuine smile. Not to scare me, not an evil smile. He appears truly happy that my death is on the horizon.

"But first," he goes on. "We'll be running some tests on you."

My stomach drops. Erudite.

_Erudite._

I have to remind myself that I'm not in Erudite, that Erudite is not chillingly white and this man has no place there. My breath shakes on my next exhale.

He notices.

"What?" he asks innocently. "You don't like tests? No math, I promise. And once we're through with them, we'll find Four and kill you in front him. Let him live with his grief. Okie dokie?" he says casually; cheerfully.

An overwhelming desire to strangle him washes over me. No, not just strangle him—more than that. I remember the knife, feel the cool blade of it hidden beneath my jeans.

When I move to stand up, nothing happens. It is as if my limbs are no longer a part of me.

They don't move. I don't move.

David laughs.

"Oh that, yes. You're under a temporary paralysis. Your first test will be administered this evening. It is similar to a fear simulation. You're familiar with simulations, yes?" When I don't answer, he clears his throat slightly and continues. "Well, it's similar to that, but much stronger. You see, it shows only your greatest fear, the most terrifying one that your mind has conjured up. The serum will take this fear and amplify it into something darker than you can imagine, and it will repeat this in several different scenarios," he checks for a reaction from me. I keep my face completely expressionless.

"We've tested it on Divergent stronger even than you—myself included," he chuckles when my eyes fly wide open. "Oh yes, Beatrice. I am naturally inoculated against the memory serum. Always have been. Your little shenanigan didn't work on me," he smiles again.

"Anyhow, I went through this fear simulation many months ago. I still have nightmares every night. Of course, your nightmares will not need to be dealt with for too long; as you know, I'm going to kill you soon," he makes to leave, heading toward the exit door.

Right before he pushes through, he turns back to look at me.

"The paralysis will wear off right after the test. We can't have you thrashing about while it's in progress; but immediately after, you will feel the deep pain of your grief."

He disappears.


	13. Chapter 13

**(Tobias)**

I remember watching one of my fellow dauntless initiates, 2 years ago. I remember watching him break his teeth on vodka bottles because he hated it there and he was at the bottom of the ranks, sure to be factionless.

I remember the kitten that followed me home from school when I was 7. I wanted to keep it, but my parents said no-such things as pets were useless and therefore selfish. My father promised to "take care" of it. I still hear the cries of the kitten that I couldn't shut out with my pillow.

I remember the sound I heard when I was 9 and my father slammed the door so hard, I swear to God it shook the whole house.

At the behest of pain, I remember these things; things that have brought me pain in the past, the ways I've seen others try to kill their sadness.

Right now, as I remember, and as I listen to Tris's uneven breathing, pain takes way to anger.

I'm going to kill David, I decide.

If I can figure out where he is.

I've been awake for rapidly approaching three days. I've hardly eaten, because I can't stomach anything. I can't see straight. I can't comprehend the simplest things and my hands shake so hard when I hold my water that Amar has to take it away so it doesn't spill on the computer and the only link I have to Tris.

David had his conversation with her three hours ago.

Tris spoke directly to me: "I'm sorry. I still don't know where I am. I love you." That was two hours ago.

And 30 minutes ago, I just snapped. I got up, knocking my chair back, went to the kitchen, and hurled glasses and dishes across the room like a madman.

"I can't just sit here," I say now, harshly. "We can't just _sit_ here. We have to find her," I know I'm being illogical, but I can't stop.

"We don't know where she is," Zeke says, calmly repeating himself for the fifth time. It's a wonder he hasn't broken my neck yet. "We have to wait until someone says it, to see a logo. A landmark. Something."

"We can't just do nothing!" I shout.

"All we can do is wait! Now shut the hell up and look for something that will show us where she is!" Zeke yells back.

I channel all of my frustration as I bang my fist against the coffee table, sending a long crack splintering through it. I hang my head in my hands.

"Tobias, we miss her too," Christina says. "We want to find her just as much as you do. But the only way to do that is to give it time and figure out exactly where she is," she tells me.

After a moment, I nod at her once, quickly, and turn back to the screen, my anger diffused.

If we're going to find Tris, I have to be smart.

I try to imagine what she would tell me if she was here. _Relax. Look closely. Stop stressing and you'll find the answer_.

I can almost feel her small hands on my shoulders, her voice in my ear. I focus all of my attention on the screen before me.

The only thing that has changed is me—I'm suddenly calmer, more aware—but everything else seems to have taken on a new light as well.

It seems clearer, somehow. I stare at what little I can see of the room from Tris's position. The white walls. The tile floors. They almost seem familiar.

I try to recall the hallway that Tris ran down yesterday. The window. The other side of it was covered densely in leaves and branches, a thin strip at the top revealing a cloudless blue sky. No way of seeing the world beyond.

Which building has landscaping like that? Trees that grow up to the windows? Gears are starting to turn in my mind. The hallway. The tiles. The _window_.

David walks into Tris's room at that moment, interrupting my thoughts. Her breaths become quicker. So do mine.

"Good evening, Tris," he says with feign politeness. The turning in my stomach reminds me of my promise to kill him.

As expected, she says nothing in return. A flash of anger crosses David's face.

He continues. "It's time to begin your first test," he smiles sickly.

His eyes travel down Tris's body, lingering at her chest. I swear to God he looks right at the camera, then continues down to her shoes. I wonder if I imagined it.

That's when they walk in. Three people. Two guards, each on one side of Caleb, who looks dazed, confused, and in pain. I hear Tris's sharp intake of breath, feel a jump of surprise myself. But Caleb isn't what grabs my attention.

It's the guard on the left, the only one I've seen that isn't dressed in stark white.

"Get out!" David roars at him.

He drops Caleb and disappears.

But it's too late. I saw the logo on his clothes, felt everything click into place. I know where I've seen the tiles, where the buildings are taller than the trees.

Somewhere I've always dreaded going to on the occasional mandatory business trip.

I feel the slightest twinge of hope as the puzzle pieces fall together.

"The Hancock building..." Tris whispers softly.

David stabs a needle into her arm.


	14. Chapter 14

**(Tris)**

I gather two things before I slip into the darkness of the unknown. The first is that I am on an upper floor of the Hancock building. The second is my brother. Caleb is alive. He's okay. I hold onto these small glints of hope as the serum takes over and the world around me changes.

I'm on my feet in a dimly lit, doorless room. I wonder briefly why there are no exits. From somewhere unknown to me, Tobias enters the room with something in his arms.

Joy fills me at the sight of him, and I make my way over to him. He beams at me, and shows me the thing in his arms.

A baby, wrapped in a soft white blanket. It's sleeping, its pink lips parted.

My heart swells on instinct. My baby.

I reach for the baby, and as Tobias hands it to me, he kisses my head. I smile up at him.

And then, suddenly, it changes again. I hear a bang, and Tobias's eyes go wide and glossy, his face void of expression.

All around me, people I love-Christina, Uriah, Caleb, my parents-are standing, staring at me with the same lifeless look.

I turn back to Tobias, and he collapses. Everyone collapses. I fall to my knees beside him, gently setting the baby down.

"Tobias? Tobias?!" I scream, shaking him. I check for a pulse, for breath. Nothing. He's dead.

I blink, and when I open my eyes, all that remains is my baby, wailing.

I pull the tiny body to my chest, sobbing, clutching to the only thing left that I love. And then it's gone.

The cries cut off sharply, the baby locks eyes with me and bores holes into mine, then fades away, leaving me empty handed.

I scream over and over again, I scream for life, for death, for those I love. I am on the floor of that dark room for days, years. Time stretches on.

And it begins again.

I am in another room. I watch Tobias and everyone I care about get murdered in a countless number of ways.

Drowning. Burning. Poison. Sickness. Shooting. Stabbing. Hanging. I watch Tobias hurl himself off of a building. I witness Christina having a seizure.

The outcome is always the same. I am powerless to stop them, powerless to save them. I am always left alone, everything I love ripped away from me.

**.**

I wake up in the Hancock room gasping and sobbing, hunched over myself.

The numbness has long since left my body and sheer pain starts settling in.

_It wasn't real. It wasn't real. How did it work on me?_

I feel paranoid. So completely afraid because I know, with these memories, I will never be the same. I can feel grief coming and it hurts so very bad.

I don't know how long I scream. It's gut wrenching pain. Images of Tobias dying burn the back of my eyelids and everything hurts. I literally writhe in emotional pain, clawing at my skin, pulling at my hair and trying to get their screams out.

Somewhere in my state, I understand that the screams I'm hearing are my own.

I cry and shriek and throw up on the tile floor. When I roll away from it, I see blood trailing from my previous position and my current one.

The knife.

I pull up the leg of my jeans, ripping the hilt of the knife from my flesh and hurling it away from me. Blood gushes from the place where it dug in deeply.

I press my hand to the wound, an action that does nothing but cover my hand in crimson red.

I know that I'll die if I don't stop the blood, so I pull myself to my feet and stumble to the sink in the corner.

Hoisting my leg onto the counter, I cup water in my hands and pour it over my calf. I use the entire length of my arms to wipe the wound, covering me up to my elbows in blood.

There are scratches all over me from where I clawed at myself in blind panic, and the leg that isn't on the counter threatens to give out beneath me.

A few people dressed in white charge in, coming straight for me.

"Where the hell is she?!" Tobias's voice echoes down the hall.

"Don't kill me! Please, I'll tell you everything!" David's voice screams, trembling.

It's all the blood in the sink. It's the crying, and the fluorescent lights, and white sneakers and pale faces and shaky breaths and blood. So much blood.

_This isn't real. This isn't real_.

"Tris!" Tobias's voice sounds again, closer this time. The guards seize my arms and pull me away from the sink.

I cry quietly. I don't want to open my eyes to see how he dies this time.

"Tris! Let go of her!" Two bangs go off on each side of me. I hear people collapse to the ground.

Familiar arms wrap around me, strong and warm.

"Tris?! Tris, look at me!" He says frantically.

I cry harder, squeezing my eyes together tightly.

"This isn't real!" I scream.

"No, Tris, this is real, baby, this is real. I promise this is real. We're in the Hancock building. We have to go home... Oh God, your leg," he says in that same frantic tone.

My eyes fly open.

This is real.

If it wasn't, I wouldn't be aware.

"Tobias," I sob, wrapping my arms around him as tightly as I can.

"It's okay. It's okay," he whispers, carrying me towards the hall. Something occurs to me.

"Caleb! No! No, find Caleb!" I scream.

"Tris, we have to get you to the h-"

"No! Find him! Please find him!" I try to break free from his hold, to jump to my feet.

"Damn it, Tris-"

Zeke runs down the hall, dragging a barely alive, but conscious Caleb at his side.

"Found him! Come on! They're waiting for us at the top!"

Tobias adjusts his hold on me before running down the hall after them, anxiously breathing an explanation along the way.

"We saw the Hancock logo and came here. We recognized the tree by the window, so we knew which level you were on... getting up here is a long story," he sighs. "We killed a lot of people, including David. He's dead. He can't hurt you anymore. But there are still a ton of people down there. Amar called the... police officers. They're kind of like Dauntless. Anyways, they're having them all locked up, but until they get here, those people are too dangerous. We have to take the zip line down," his voice shakes on the last sentence.

Sadness fills me. I have no problem going down the zip line, but I know how afraid of heights Tobias is.

He looks down at me, and if I've ever wondered how much he loves me, I have a pretty good idea by the way he looks at me.

"We have to get you to a hospital. I missed you so much," he says softly. I notice the pale color in his face, the shadows under his eyes. I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face into it.

When we reach the roof, Caleb is just pushing off, screaming. Tobias sets me down and I rush to the edge.

"Who's first? Quick," Zeke says. Tobias looks frozen with fear.

"We're going together," I say firmly, taking his hand.

Zeke shrugs. "That works. Come on, hurry."

"Will that even work?" Tobias asks.

"Yeah. Did it once with Shauna. Hurry," Zeke replies.

"It's okay. Just like your landscape," I whisper to Tobias softly. I kiss him fiercely, pulling him as close as possible. For every moment that I've missed him this week, longed for his arms around me and the warmth of his body and the sound of his heartbeat. I've never been more grateful for his life.

The kiss appears to be what he needs to get into the sling, and I climb in in front of him.

"Ready?" Zeke asks.

Tobias grips both my hands in his and I nod.

Zeke pushes us off, and Tobias shouts.

I hold his hands tightly and grin, stretching my arms with his so we feel like birds.

My entire body sings as we zip through empty space, hundreds of yards above the ground. Free. I laugh joyously.

Tobias pulls the brake as we near the end, and we drop into the net of arms that await us.

Then I'm rushed to Amar's car, and we speed towards the nearest hospital.


	15. Chapter 15

**(Tobias)**

I hold tightly to Tris's hand. She's asleep, wearing a white hospital gown after being stripped of her torn, bloody clothes.

Even after everything that happened, even though we were almost killed and I'm sitting in a dreary room in the hospital at the bedside of the girl I love-despite all of it, I haven't been this happy in weeks. Because even though Tris is injured and I'm more tired than ever, there's us. Never will I take that fact for granted.

When we arrived here, Tris was rushed to the emergency room to be evaluated. The frantic note taking and exchanging of whispers between the doctors alluded to their erudite origin. I didn't hear any of what they were saying because they set me to the task of signing about a million papers. I glance at the pile that still needs signing, resting on the bedside table.

I return my attention to Tris, stroking her hair back from her face, thinking for the hundredth time that I am unbelievably lucky.

I almost don't notice when the doctor walks in. She looks about 40 years old with graying blonde hair and dull blue eyes, framed by wire rimmed glasses.

"Hello," she smiles warmly, sitting on the other side of Tris's bed and shaking my hand. "I'm Dr. Foley."

"Tobias Eaton," I smile back. I like her immediately.

"Mr. Eaton. And is this Mrs. Eaton?"

_I wish._

"Not yet," I laugh. "This is Tris Prior."

She smiles again. "I have some news regarding Tris. She has a condition called Hypovolemic Shock. When heavy bleeding occurs, there is not enough blood flow to the organs of the body. At that point, the organs shut down, resulting in death. It's very fortunate that you brought her in when you did," Dr. Foley explains.

I swallow. "Will she be okay?"

"Yes! But there are a few symptoms that you should be wary of. Tris will have some of them during the first few days after she goes home, but if they persist after the third day, you'll have to bring her back in," she hands me a list which I read through quickly.

_Anxiety_

_Blue lips and fingernails/low body temperature_

_Shallow breathing_

_Dizziness_

_Rapid heart rate_

Dr. Foley must have noticed the look on my face, because she says "She'll be fine. We're giving her lots of fluids and blood products, so she'll be strong when you go home."

I nod. "When will that be?"

"If she progresses at the rate she's at now, tomorrow."

After thanking her and saying goodbye, Dr. Foley leaves the room.

Minutes later, beautiful gray eyes open into mine.

"Hey," I smile.

"Hi," Tris smiles back. "Did I miss anything?"

I laugh as I rub my hand up and down her arm, covering her in goosebumps. It amazes me that I have this effect on her. "A few symptoms from the blood loss, but you're going to be fine. We go home tomorrow," I assure her.

"Symptoms?" she asks nervously.

I tuck her hair behind her ear. "Nothing to worry about," I say softly.

She shifts her body to the side. "Lay with me," she instructs quietly.

I do as told, wrapping my arms around her middle and pulling her close. She faces towards me, leaning her face into my neck, and for awhile we lay like that, the silence broken only by the sound of the heart monitor.

"Christina gets married in two weeks," she whispers. She almost sounds pained.

"Is that a bad thing?" I ask softly into her hair.

"Of course not... It's just..." she sighs.

"Just what?"

"She's my best friend, Tobias, and I haven't been around to help her at all. God knows how much stress she's been under because of me, and she probably hasn't been able to get a single thing done."

I sigh. "Tris, I think planning a wedding is the least of Christina's worries. She's out there in the lobby right now, and she refuses to leave even though they're only letting family in," she raises her eyebrows at me. "They made an exception for big scary Four," I inform her.

She looks at me with wide eyes. "I want to go home."

"I know... I want you home. Just a little while longer," I reply.

I kiss her forehead, her cheek. Her eyes flutter closed when I brush my lips against hers.

"I love you," I whisper. She responds by pressing her lips to mine gently, and I feel all of the places where our lips meet and part. Our kisses have become different, more passionate, more conveying of our love.

She starts intensifying the kisses, and our breaths become heavier between each one. I know where it's going when she pulls me over her body, tangling her hands in my hair as my hands slide beneath the sleeves of her irritating hospital gown. As much as I want this, this isn't the time or place, so I reluctantly pull away, leaving her with a frustrated look on her beautiful face.

"I'll try to sneak Christina in," I say as I leave a trail of kisses across her collarbone. "What kind of food do you want?"

She considers this, then shrugs. "Whatever's there."

She looks up at me, dark lashes framing blue-gray eyes. I kiss her lips again, quickly.

"I love you," she smiles.

"I love you," I reply. "I'll be quick."

"Please bring Christina."

The sound of her voice makes me decide then and there that I will get Christina in come hell or high water.

The task proves easier than expected. I meet her, along with Matthew, in the lobby and usher them with me to the cafeteria.

After piling four plates with food, we make our way to the elevators and step in as a nurse passes through the hall before us.

She peers at all the food. "Where are you off to?" she interrogates immediately.

"Our sister's room," Christina replies as the doors start to close.

The nurse's eyes sweep over the three of us, Christina's dark skin, my tan skin, Matthew's pale skin.

"Hold on a second-" the elevator doors slide shut at that moment, cutting her off. We all laugh.

My heart beats quickly until we're out of the elevator and in Tris's room.

She smiles brightly when she sees us, and Christina rushes to hug her. They immediately launch into conversation as I place Tris's food in front of her. She brushes my fingers when I do.

I smile at her and join Matthew in the hard plastic chairs.

"So you're getting married," I say. We haven't had much of a chance to talk about it, what with everything that's happened.

He smiles like a kid on Christmas morning. "Sure am."

"Congrats. I can see how happy you make each other."

"When are you going to marry Tris?" he inquires.

I smile at the thought. "I'm not sure. I don't want to pressure her. She's only sixteen, and she's always said she wants to take things slow. I would like nothing more than to marry her, but I'm going to wait a little while until I'm sure she wants the same thing," I say.

I think I catch Tris looking at me a little sadly, but her eyes are trained on Christina again before I have time to process it.

Matthew looks at me curiously. "She loves you."

"I know. I love her too, more than I've ever loved anything."

The deep truth of my words cement themselves in my brain and all I can think is that I want her, all of her, every day for the rest of my life.


	16. Chapter 16

**(Tris)**

I wake up with sunshine knocking on my eyelids. My entire body aches. I sit up slowly, looking around me. There's no sign of Tobias, but there is a note on my bedside table.

_Good morning, love. Going to clean up the house and bring breakfast. I love you._

I smile at the simple and sweet note before carefully edging my legs over the side of the bed. Pain shoots through me as the blood rushes to my feet.

Defying the doctors' orders, I stand tentatively and make my way to the small bathroom to change out of my awful hospital gown.

Digging through my small bag, I put on a flowing light gray dress and black flats, feeling much like Christina. I brush my hair, which is starting to grow out, and after brief consideration, I apply makeup.

Examining myself in the mirror, I decide that I like it.

I then walk back to the bed and perch on the edge, crossing my ankles. I peer around at the large, sunny room and remember the previous night, quickly getting lost in thought.

Tobias and Matthew fell asleep slumped in their plastic chairs while Christina and I sat on the bed and talked until ungodly hours of the night.

When she noticed that the boys were asleep, the conversation quickly shifted from her and Matthew to me and Tobias, and she wasted no time in getting to her point.

"As much as I love being the engaged one, it's about time you and Tobias stepped into the spotlight," Christina had said.

I had cringed at the time, but now I smile as I imagine it. To marry Tobias and wake every morning knowing that we belong to each other in the most committed way possible. To know that every piece of the entirety of our souls belong to the same thing. For his dreams to become mine and mine to become his.

I remember what I overheard Tobias tell Matthew—about not knowing if I wanted that.

My heart aches.

I'm almost seventeen. If he were to drop to his knees before me right now, I don't know what I would say. I would not say no.

I might say "I need time to think about it" or "Are you sure?"

Or at least, I try to convince myself that I might say those things.

Truthfully, I think I would be overcome by joy, that I would want to shout my happiness from the mountaintops, that everything I'm made of would sing at the same pitch and the only thing I would be able to say is _yes, yes._

The concept of age puts me on edge, but as Christina repeated over and over last night, if you know it's right, why wait?

_Why wait?_

The thought was only a second, maybe half a second, but it changes everything. It cements itself inside of me, permanently settles into my heart.

Why wait?

It is at that moment that Tobias walks in. In his hand is a brown paper bag, and the smell of muffins immediately wafts through the room. I stand and make my way to him, instantly pressing my lips to his without so much as a "hello". He appears taken aback but quickly leans into me, wrapping his free arm around my waist.

The intensity and desperation builds rapidly, and I press my body against his, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss.

He moans softly and I have to pull back for air. I breathe heavily and the moment we're apart, I already want him back.

"Not that I'm complaining," he begins, "but what was that f-"

I cut him off by kissing him again.

* * *

><p>I'm practically bouncing with anticipation as Dr. Foley signs the last paper that will officially discharge me from the hospital.<p>

Tobias's hand rests on my lower back, and he urges me forward the instant Dr. Foley clears me.

We step outside into the clean, fresh air. I smile widely.

"We have a car," Tobias says nonchalantly.

My eyebrows shoot up.

He looks at me and laughs. "Kind of a _sorry-my-former-boss-kidnapped-you_ gift from Amar."

In Abnegation, almost no one had cars. If we could walk, why should we drive? The idea was useless and therefore self-indulgent; and the Abnegation prefer anything over selfishness. The people who did have cars needed them because the center of the city where they worked was too far away for walking.

I laugh with him as he leads me to a sleek black car that looks more expensive than Christina's engagement ring—which is saying a lot.

"Wow," I mutter as Tobias opens the door for me and I slide into the passenger seat. I'm enveloped by cool air blowing from the vents above me.

Tobias gets into the driver's side. He turns the key in the ignition and the vehicle purrs to life. I look around curiously.

"Do you like it?" Tobias sounds nervous. "Amar said we can get a different one if-"

I place my hand on his. "I love it."

He smiles gently and brings my hand to his lips. "I love you."

* * *

><p>We walk to the elevator in the lobby of our apartment building. I told Tobias that we could take the stairs, but he insisted that I shouldn't be pushing my body.<p>

I grasp on to his hand as we step in. The doors slide shut slowly after I push the "4" button.

Tobias's apprehension fills the small space. He clenches his fists and swallows, his adam's apple bobbing.

I wrap my arms around his waist and he holds me to him tightly until the elevator dings and the doors open.

Then he breathes in relief and we walk out.

The air of familiarity that immediately washes over me when we step inside of our apartment makes me happy.

We both collapse onto the couch and Tobias looks at me nervously. I stare back. "What's wrong?" I finally ask.

He looks away for just a second and clears his throat.

"Do you... Tris, would you ever want to take a vacation?" he asks.

I look at him questioningly. You can't exactly vacation in your own city.

"You mean... beyond the fence, right?" I reply.

He nods hastily and picks up a folder resting on the coffee table—the table looks different. I wonder if it's new.

"Amar told me about some 'must-see' places. I really want to take you here. Christina and Matthew liked it so much that they're going there for their honeymoon," he holds up a sheet of paper that's covered in pictures of the most beautiful place I've ever seen.

Water cascades over the side of a cliff, flowing out into a huge body of water. In another picture, the sky is dark and the falls are lit with every color of the rainbow.

"It's called Niagara Falls," Tobias says.

"It's beautiful," I whisper.

Tobias touches my hand. "Would you like to go there with Christina and Matthew?" he asks softly.

I should be doubtful, worried, on edge about leaving the city. Instead, I am full of a desire to visit this beautiful place with Tobias and experience firsthand the world that lies beyond us.

"Yes," I'm still whispering.

He smiles. "Then we will, in two weeks."

A knock sounds at the door and Tobias moves to open it. I am met by the anticipating faces of Christina, Matthew, Zeke, Shauna, George, Amar, and Cara. And Caleb.

My heart flutters with happiness.

Caleb walks to me instantly, Tobias hovering behind him. The others wave their hellos. I wave back enthusiastically before wrapping my arms tightly around my brother.

"You saved me," he whispers.

"I love you," I reply.

"I love you too Bea... Tris," he smiles, his eyes bright. I return the smile and hug him again.

* * *

><p>"What's for dinner?!" Zeke shouts.<p>

I smile weakly. He's just like Uriah. Pain singes through me.

"Tris?" Tobias asks.

I shrug. "I'm not hungry."

He looks at me for a moment longer before joining me on the couch and wrapping his arm around my waist.

"You guys can order whatever you want," he says.

20 minutes later, pizza is being passed out and I feel nauseas. A headache has also come over me.

Zeke starts clapping when Matthew announces his and Christina's engagement, and every wave of the noise makes my head pound.

Tobias tightens his grip on my waist and helps me to my feet.

"Tris needs to lay down. You guys can crash here if you want," he says in his Four voice: final, with no room for discussion.

The time reads 10:30 PM, and the sun has long since gone down.

When we get to our room, I run straight to the bathroom and start heaving over the toilet. Tobias stands behind me and brushes my hair back from my face.

"Thank you," I say, flushing and rinsing my mouth, pulling my toothbrush out.

He disappears but returns a moment later with my pajamas.

I smile gratefully at him and he kisses my forehead.

I lay in the dark with Tobias, breathing through my migraine which has gone from bad to almost unbearable.

He's done everything he can, shutting off every light in the apartment, forcing everyone to be silent, bringing me cold water and more blankets and aspirin, but my head is still blaring like a siren, so now I just ask him to hold me. He does. It helps more than anything.

When my headache has subsided slightly, I fall asleep and I'm out cold for the rest of the night.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hi! This chapter was kind of a filler/foreshadowing chapter. I have a lot of things planned for the next ones, but I also have an itching to start another story; either a chapter story or a oneshot. Please review with which of these you like the best, or any ideas or prompts that you want me to write :) **

**So far I have:**

**Tris dies as happens in Allegiant, but Tobias drinks the memory serum before Christina can stop him. After he drinks it, she bursts in and ends up telling him all about who he is. (Oneshot)**

**Tris has recurring dreams of a man (Tobias) and ends up in the hospital. There, she finds that he is a comatose patient in the same hospital. (Chapter story)**

**Please tell me which one you'd like me to write, or if you have any ideas or requests of your own! Thank you so much!**

**-Naomi**


	17. Chapter 17

**(Tris)**

I'm standing too stiffly and my hair is sticking to the back of my neck. The sleeves on Tobias's suit jacket threaten to tear at the force of his muscles, and he looks around impatiently.

Dressing up has never been our forte, but right now, the look on Christina's face makes me willing to stand in a too-tight dress and too-tall heels.

She's happy; cheeks flushed, eyes bright. All of our planning has commenced beautifully over the last two weeks, and her satisfaction shines as she rearranges a vase of white roses.

She says something to her fiancé, who announces that the rehearsal is starting and_ please, everyone take your places._

Tobias and I, along with Zeke, Shauna, Caleb, and Cara, walk to the back of the small church and through a set of double doors. Christina joins us a minute later, her happiness making her beautiful despite the fact that she's wearing pajamas. I envy her for how comfortable her clothes look; she insisted that Matthew was forbidden to see the dress until tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the real deal, and after the reception, she and Matthew will board a plane for their honeymoon.

About a week ago, Christina looked through Tobias's "Folder of Places" as we're calling it, and she started dancing around the idea of a place called New York City. While beautiful, none of the places in the Folder shouted at me like Niagara Falls. It's a simple place, compared to some of the other ones in the Folder, but it's elegant and lovely, and it's as though there's an invisible tether pulling me toward it.

So, Tobias and I will board a plane with Christina and Matthew tomorrow night, but we will get off before them. They'll fly a little further until they reach New York.

This will be Tobias's first time on a plane, which makes me jumpy. When I express my concern, he dismisses it with a wave of his hand, saying he'll be fine as long as he ignores his fear.

While this doesn't sound like the best solution to me, I let it go for the time being.

The next morning is an eventful one. Tobias and I scarf down some toast on our way to our separate destinations-I to Christina's apartment and he to Zeke's, where the groom is preparing.

I knock on Christina's door and receive no answer. However, the buzz and bustling coming from inside is my cue to simply walk on in. Bridesmaid dress hanging over my arm, I pull Christina into an embrace the moment I catch sight of her.

Shauna, Cara, Christina's mom and sister, and several women I don't know, but assume are involved in the wedding, are bustling about.

The bride is dressed in sweats and a tank top, but her hair falls in loose curls which her mother begins pinning up. Her wedding dress hangs near the window, catching the morning light and glowing subtly.

"How are you feeling?" I ask Christina, handing her mother another bobby pin.

"Nervous," she replies anxiously, "but excited."

"You'll do great. Happiest day of your life, right?" I smile.

She grins widely. "Right."

2 hours and half a dozen bobby pins later, Christina is ready. Her joy radiates out of her and she looks stunning. Cara, Shauna and I are also dressed to the nines.

My new cell phone, which I'm still trying to figure out, buzzes with a text from Tobias.

_Almost ready?_

I text back.

_Almost. See you soon._

We make our way downstairs, to the cars that will take us to the church. I asked Tobias to teach me how to drive, and he promised he would as soon as we return from Niagara Falls.

He texts me again, telling me they just arrived at the church venue. I can only hope his suit jacket is still intact.

When the cars pull to a stop before the church, we pick our way carefully up the walkway to avoid tarnishing our dresses.

The moment we step inside, Christina is whisked away, and the bridesmaids and I are left searching for the groomsmen.

We find them at the refreshment stand, Tobias and Caleb chatting while Zeke looks at the three pillar cake wistfully.

"Wow," Caleb and Tobias say in unison when they see us.

Zeke looks up.

"Wow," he chimes in.

I roll my eyes but smile.

"Wait till you see Christina," Cara jokes.

Some eyebrows-including mine-are raised when Caleb nervously wraps an arm around her waist. Her eyes widen and she tries to hide her blush.

Tobias pulls me close, gently. He's been very wary when he touches me, held back by my still prominent injuries. "You look good, Tris," he whispers in my ear.

I shiver, remembering the first time he said those words to me.

"Any idea when-" Shauna's question is cut off when Amar's voice ruptures through the room. As per usual, he's good at getting people's attention.

"Attention! All guests, please take your seats! Wedding party, take your places! Let's have a marriage!" He announces.

Those around us burst into cheers and move towards their seats.

"That's us," I smile, taking Tobias's hand.

The six of us weave our way through the room until we arrive at our designated spot outside the closed double doors.

A few minutes later, Christina appears behind us and everyone hugs her as an unmarried woman for the last time. Her mother hands us our bouquets.

"Ready?" She asks breathlessly. We nod.

Tobias and I, being the best man and maid of honor, are the first ones out when the doors open and music fills the room.

For a moment I am panic stricken as I look at all the eyes staring right at me. I feel exposed, self conscious. For the briefest moment I consider turning around and running like hell.

But then Tobias's hand is on my back, and I remember where I am. Taking a deep breath, I clutch my flowers and we walk all the way down the aisle.

The wedding is quick, and the reception commences immediately after the obligatory congratulations from the guests and the photographer photographs us to her heart's desire.

The United States government may have stated that the factions are gone, but a simple statement from a faceless government is certainly not enough to uproot the way of thinking that has been imbedded into our minds. Likewise, the small group of Candor stick together and bluntly announce their distaste for an almost completely drunk Zeke. And the party itself is a true Dauntless one-alcohol, dangerous games, and activities that certainly shouldn't be happening on the property of a church.

Zeke stumbles over to Tobias and I to offer a cup of alcohol that sloshes over the rim. Tobias takes it and pours it into a trash can when Zeke's back is turned.

He leads me to the refreshment stand and pours soda into two cups.

"Are we going juvenile tonight?" I smirk. Tobias usually drinks at least a little, if not just to be polite.

"We have to if I'm ever going to get on that plane," he replies, handing me a cup.

I take a sip. It's the same kind we drank on our 'first date'. I smile at the memory.

"You know we can drive if you want. It'll take longer, but so what? Plus, we can start my lessons," I remind him of his earlier promise.

He shakes his head. "I want to take the plane," he deadpans, offering no further words.

"Okay," I nervously take another sip and lean against the refreshment table.

"Hey Four!" Zeke slurs, approaching us again, alcohol in hand. He loses his balance and topples toward me, and in my rush to move out of his way, I end up drenched in both my soda and his beer. He crashes into the table, sending bottles and cups flying. Glass shatters around our feet.

"What the hell, Zeke?!" Tobias shouts, yanking him onto his feet.

Zeke laughs. "Let's drink," he says slowly, reaching for another bottle.

"No. You've had enough," Tobias seethes, jaw clenched.

Zeke narrows his eyes. "He would... he would have had fun with me. Uri... Uriah would have liked this party."

I feel numb.

Even in his drunken state, the words seem to stab him like a knife. He groans, pulling his hands to his face, opening the bottle of alcohol, tipping it back, drinking it empty. I stare.

When he's finished, he looks overcome with rage, and throws the glass bottle towards the wall behind me. My quick reflexes tell me to duck before it can hit me, and my knees slam hard into the floor, pain shooting through me. The bottle shatters behind me.

And then I'm on my feet, and Tobias is pulling me through the crowd.

When I look back, all I can see is Zeke's huge form crumpled to the floor like a vulnerable child, tortured sobs escaping him as he grabs another bottle and opens the lid.

Tobias storms down the hall of our apartment building. The hand that isn't grasping my arm is clenched in a fist, the veins in his neck throbbing.

He unlocks our door and runs his hands through his hair until his breathing is even.

I walk to him and wrap my arms around him, even though I'm soaked with alcohol and my knees are bloody and aching.

He folds me into his arms, face against my hair. "Are you okay?"

I nod. "I just need to clean up."

Tobias follows me into the bathroom. I turn on the shower so it will be hot when I'm ready to get in. I sit on the edge of the tub. He prepares a warm washcloth and hydrogen peroxide and dabs at my wounds. I suck in a sharp breath at the contact.

"I'm sorry this happened," he says quietly.

"Tobias... is Zeke becoming an alcoholic? Because of Uriah?" I ask.

He looks thoughtful. "I don't think so. This is the first time since he died that I've seen Zeke that drunk. Are you hurt anywhere else?"

I shake my head. "I miss him," I say. Tears sting the corners of my eyes, and I blink them back.

Tobias looks at me for a moment before joining me on the edge of the tub. We stare down at the tile.

"I miss him too."

We sit on the ghostly white tub, thinking about Uriah, until the steam from the shower gets too hot and my tears get too hot and Tobias's head is buried in his hands.


	18. Chapter 18

**(Tobias)**

I think that fear is the most cancerous and incapacitating emotion there is. It eats away at the best parts of us, cripples us from exploring our dreams, and pulls our focus away from where it should be.

Some people drink to feel happy. I drink to feel sad. Beer and my thoughts are the mucinex for my sadness and fear, and that's how I clear my head. I drink and think and push the bruises of my fears to feel them more deeply once in awhile.

Thank God the best things happen when you're awake and sober though, and when you strip away a night of self-pity and a few beers, you find the clarity of hope. I like to think of hope as the place where realism and optimism meet, and that's where I begin each and every day. I choose hope over fear.

.

My stomach lurches when I see the airplane. Christina and Matthew walk into it carelessly and happily. Tris and I take slow steps toward it.

"It's okay," she reminds me. "Just relax. It'll be okay."

I swallow as we step aboard and the door slides shut behind us. My legs robotically carry me to our seats like stiff pieces of wood, while Tris looks on worriedly.

She grasps my hand when an announcement sounds for take-off. I feel the blood drain from my face and my stomach twists and jumps and my breath hitches in my throat until we're flying.

My heart pounds in my ears as we go higher and higher. I try to distract myself from the fact that there are thousands of feet of empty space between me and the ground.

.

By the time we arrive at our destination an hour later, my knuckles are bone-white from gripping the armrests. I breathe in relief as we land safely in the airport near Niagara Falls. We say goodbye to Matthew and Christina (who appear very busy making out) and exit the plane to find a huge lobby and a small concrete bench. I sit down.

"We're not taking the plane back to the city," Tris says firmly.

I look at her standing in front of me, small and pale, brows furrowed, hands on hips. I crack a small smile-I can't help it.

"What?" she demands.

"Nothing," my smile widens. "Okay, we won't."

She smiles back and begins relaying what Amar told us about finding a cab.

The task proves harder than expected, but after collecting our luggage and asking for help, we find a cab. Tris starts to tell the driver the name of the hotel she thinks we're staying in, but I cut her off and speak to the driver quietly.

Tris looks confused, but I manage to avoid her questions.

The driver brings us to our destination, and I awkwardly pay him like Amar told me to. We step out of the vehicle and look around.

"Okay... trees." Tris observes.

"And a path," I point out, leading her to a stone walkway that will take us to the place I have in mind.

She rolls her eyes as we descend the path.

"Where are we going? I thought we had a hotel," she says, wrapping her coat around her more tightly.

"It's a surprise," I reply simply.

She pesters me with questions for awhile longer, but eventually she states that she can hear water running.

"There it is," I say as we round a corner.

A quaint looking cottage sitting right next to a frozen, expansive lake, two small water falls flowing lazily into an icy river that flows away into the woods. The entire place is framed by enormous pine trees.

"Wow," Tris breathes, eyes wide.

"Do you like it?" I ask.

"I... how did you...it's perfect," she says, rising onto her toes to kiss me.

"It's Christmasy, right?" I grin. She nods. Christmas is in one week, and Tris's birthday falls just six days later, the last day of the year.

.

The cottage itself is warm and cozy and just as impressive as the outside. Tris and I want to go and see and do immediately, but our bodies are exhausted and have other plans. The last thing I comprehend before falling asleep is her soft voice saying, "it's snowing..."

The next thing I comprehend is waking in the darkness to her screams.


End file.
